Only one promise

June 30, 2012 Today I am feeling better. Praise God, He is answering all the prayers of my friends and family diligently praying for me. Tonight I was rocking Isaac and I just held him close and thanked God over and over for this precious perfect healthy baby boy. He is such a delight to me and Karl. I was not given Isaac because of something Karl or I did to deserve him, rather he is a gift we do not deserve. And I was thinking about how so many people think we deserve things. Whether it be money or kids or a spouse, or anything else. Truth is, we deserve nothing but eternal separation from God for the sins we have committed against him. And I was thinking about people I know who have walked away from their faith and Jesus Christ and I think maybe they believed that they were promised something, or deserved something for their faith. Obviously this is not faith at all, but rather an exchange of good deeds for what God could give them. The ONLY thing we are promised is eternal salvation if we believe in Jesus Christ and Him crucified. John 10:28 "I will give then eternal life and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand." Thank you Jesus. Karl and I are not promised a healthy baby. We are not promised children at all. We were blessed beyond measure when we had Isaac and will be equally blessed with this baby no matter how long it has life. We do not deserve a healthy baby and we do not expect one. We are happy with what ever Christ chooses to do with this pregnancy and this life. Even if I carry it for many months and God chooses to take it into His arms and we never get to hold it while it is alive, it will not have been for nothing. God has a plan through it all. And I have to hold firm to the faith I have always known so that I do not get disqualified from this race of faith I have been running for my whole life. If I begin to believe I deserve things, I can slip away from this faith and resent God in sin. I will not do this. I will hold fast to the Lord as I have always known Him and loved Him. My ultrasound is July 16th. It seems like forever until that day. I will get to hear the heartbeat, if God so chooses. After that I will begin the weekly ultrasounds to check the baby's blood flow in his or her brain. Thank you for listening to my thoughts and feelings. I love you all and covet your prayers for this life within. The Lord gives and takes away, but my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name!

Hard days

Well I called Dr Reads office today and found out that our little one if definitely Rh positive. If it had been negative (which was a long shot) then my body would not try to attack it and thus the baby would've had a better shot of being healthy. BUT God had other plans. I am learning that His plans are always better, it just may take time for me to see why. I knew it was a long shot that the baby would be Rh negative like me, but something in me was really hoping. I was waiting until I heard these results today to post our blog on Facebook because I didn't want to tell EVERYONE if it turned out to be totally fine. However it is clear now that this will not be the case. And for that reason I will ask for all the prayers, help, understanding, and support I can get. So I will be posting this blog on Facebook today. I am going through a very rough time right now. Emotionally and health-wise I guess. I have been sick for 10 days with no sign of relief. This is taking a toll on me. I can't get any naps or sleep at night because I am up coughing all night. I know it will pass but this week and past are very tough. My dad is having surgery today, Andrew is 8 (enough said) and I don't have the energy to give to Andrew and Isaac like I want to. There is just so much overwhelming me. I am so blessed though! Our Family and friends have been so great. Someone has managed to take one or both of them everyday. And I appreciate it so much! I just feel guilty because even with all the help and love and support, I cannot kick this thing. And I am just not emotionally present. Please prey for us. I believe God will teach me something through this all. The Lord gives and takes away, but my heart will CHOOSE to say, Lord, blessed be your name.

Father's Day

June 17,2012 Today we were able to tell our church body at Summit about our situation, in very limited detail, and they prayed for us. I believe 100% in the power of Prayer. I believe if God chooses he can heal our little one. And while I appreciate story after story about people hearing bad news and then the baby turns out perfectly healthy, I do not want to pretend to know Gods plan for OUR baby. What if He Predestined this baby for Downs or even death? I must be ok with that. And I am. Because there is no where better for any person in the whole world to be than right in the center of God's will. I am at peace at this time with any circumstance God has for us. For I know, that God gives us trials to sharpen us and mold us and grow us in Him. I am not pretending I will feel this way every day, but I pray that that will be the case. I have times of fear. Fear that I will be very sad at some point and not be a good mother to Isaac or not a good wife to Karl. I know though that God did not give us a spirit of fear, but the spirit as adoption as sons of Christ, and we can call him "Abba, (or aDaddy)." (Romans 8) I just have to deal with that as it comes bc God will give me the strength I need for each day as I call on Him as my father. Plus, I am overwhelmingly blessed with tons and tons of family and friends who are there for us ANY time we need them and that is an indescribable gift! There is nothing more that I will be finding out about the baby for a month bc I have my next ultrasound at 16 weeks. After that, I believe I will be getting a check every week to see if the baby starts getting stressed or anemic. I also will find out at that appointment a little more clearly, just what the odds are of this baby having Downs syndrome. So I am not sure how many more blogs I will have before then, but just know I plead for your prayers and appreciate you all. This baby will be incredibly loved no matter what! Of that, I am 100% sure! And remember, the Lord gives and He takes away, but our heart must CHOOSE to say, Lord, blessed be Your Name.

Doctor calls...

June 15, 2012 The doctor called today and said the chromosome tests for Downs or Turners came back "very positive." Turners disease is a chromosomal abnormality in which the baby dies around 20 weeks. And of course we all know what Downs syndrome is. He also said with my Rh sensitivity this could mean a number of different things and we just have to wait and see (of course). It is overwhelmingly sad to me that so many women would choose to kill their own baby at this point. Over 90% of Downs babies are never held in their mothers arms bc they are aborted. How sad. Those babies go into Jesus's arms but how sad for those women who must deal with the pain and sorrow and regret of choosing death and also how sad for the joy of a beautiful human being that God made that they missed out on. If we do have a baby with Downs syndrome, that baby will be loved every day of his or her life. That baby may not know much, but what is more important than learning love and learning about Jesus? When I first told Karl that they baby may have Downs, he said, "oh good, those babies are so cute!" I love that. Every day we go though this, I love Karl more and more. And I love Isaac more and more. And I love Jesus more and more. So ALREADY good has come from this situation. I read a wonderful verse that I meditate on almost hourly now. Psalm 119:75 "I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous, and in your faithfulness, you have afflicted me." What a great verse for Karl and I at this time! God is not in heaven saying "ooops" rather He designed this situation and allowed it and has good to come of it, if we trust in Him. And indeed, good already has come from it as I mentioned earlier. Please pray that Gods will be done. Please pray that my mind would hold fast to Jesus and not wander down a myriad of unhelpful avenues, in which it tends to wander. The Lord gives and takes away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your Name.

Starting a blog about Bogrand baby #2. THE JOURNEY BEGINS

June 13, 2012

Hello friends and family
I am starting a blog for all our friends and family and loved ones about our journey we are embarking on as we get ready for baby #2. This first blog will probably be a long one bc there is much backgroup to go over, but my hope in creating this blog is to reach all our friends and family with the love of Christ and explain how he gets us through the tough times. Jesus does not promise us an easy life, He promises us that if we live for Him, it will all be worth it.
So... With that being said I will get in to the details of our little one we expect by the end of the year. I am Rh negative and Karl is Rh positive. Back in the day, this used to mean trouble when having children. But with the modern age of technology this is no longer a problem... USUALLY. However, when I gave birth to Isaac there was crossing of blood from him to me and since then my body has been creating antibodies against any other babies that I may carry. USUALLY, a woman would just take Rhogam at 28 weeks and after the birth of her first baby, which I did, and then her body would not create antibodies. BUT, my body aparently rejected this Rhogam or needed more. Whatever the case, I apparently had a 0.03% of becoming "sensitized." which I did. To me, this tells me God has a very specific plan for this pregnancy and baby.
So what does all this mean for our baby? Well, my body has created antibodies C and D which are the two worst. This means the antibodies are going through the placenta, into the baby and lysing (or killing) its red blood cells, causing it to be anemic, or not have enough blood. The technical term is Hemolytic Disease of the newborn or HDN. This means there is a very high chance that at some point in the next 28 weeks, our baby will get sick. The closer to 40 weeks I get the more likely the baby will get more anemic and more anemic. It could lose its life at any point spontaneously, or it could slowly get sick. This means starting at 16 weeks (in a month) I will begin weekly ultrasounds. At these ultrasounds the drs will be checking the blood flow in the baby's head and if it becomes to fast, this means the baby is getting sick. At this point the baby and I will need to under go an intrauterine blood transfusion. This takes place in an OR at UW hospital and I will be put under so I don't move. With technology advancements, the risk is 1% for me and the baby at UW. If the baby responds well to this, then we continue to wait.
The ultimate hope is that the baby will make it in the womb until about 34 weeks with few complications. The dr informed me that with my high antibody D number, this is not likely, but it is possible. The baby will not stay in my "hostile environment" til 40 weeks like most women, but will probably be early, at thlatest and latest, 36 weeks. I will have to have a c section bc the baby will already be sick and cannot handle a vaginal birth. This makes me very sad. But I understand.
Once the baby is delivered, he or she will be in the NICU for quite some time. He or she will need to have many blood transfusions slowly in order to give it new blood and get my antibodies out of his blood. And bc of all the lysing and lysed red blood cells, he will have hyperbilirubinemia, or severe jaundice.
And as if this weren't enough, I apparently also have some indicators that this baby may have Downs syndrome or Turners disease. But, you know what? I am already preparing myself for the worst case scenario so there is no point in me focusing on all the dozens of other things that could happen. God has a plan, and I have no idea what it is, but I trust Him. No matter what may be wrong with this baby, we will love it for every second we have it. No matter if that is one second or a lifetime.
So, I am telling all of you this for many reasons. The first is bc i know you all care and would like to keep updated. The second is because I ask for your prayers. The third is that i dont want to have to explain this confusing and complicated disease over and over. The fourth is because I hope to share my faith in God with you and tell you how he gets Karl and I through this, not ONLY gets us through it but grows us together and closer to Him. He has a plan for this baby. Even if his plan is to teach me, stretch me, grow me and then take this baby from my womb straight in to His arms, I am ok with this. It does not scare me, or stress me, or make me worry. At times, it makes me sad, but in my sadness I do not doubt God or feel angry with Him. Now this may change as these actual events occur, I am not perfect. However, I will rely on Him and ask for your prayers. He is my strength and my song. My rock and my strong tower. He gives and takes away, but my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name.