February 5, 2013
I would like to start by apologizing for not updating this blog in over 5 weeks. Every time I thought about updating it, I just felt compelled to write a lot and in depth and then I would put it off. Bt I just decided I will stick to a brief synopsis because there is just way too much to talk about. Jack is doing very well! He eats VERY well, and is getting bigger by the minute! He did have to have a blood transfusion at Mary Bridge 2 weeks ago, but that's perfectly ok. Once all my antibodies are finally out of him this will no longer be an issue. By the time Jack is 3 months he will already be starting speech therapy as well as occupational and physical therapy! So I will be looking for sitters frequently to watch Isaac so he doesn't have to be in the car too much.
We are really doing great! It is so great to know that God has chosen this sweet baby boy to be born into our family. God is really good. We have SO much support! We have countless friends and family helping constantly! We are never in want for anything! I cannot thank all of you enough who have come over, watched Isaac, brought meals, asked me if I need anything from the store, and so much more! I will try to write more later. Thank you so much!
The Lord gives and takes away, our hearts will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Jack
December 19, 2012
I'm sitting here trying just to think of a title for this entry and I have so many emotions and feelings and thoughts that I can't even think of one. Last Friday when the doctor did the ultrasound and said Jack wasn't moving quite like he wanted, he asked me if I was ready to have a baby that evening. I joyously and excitedly said YES over and over. Had I known what was ahead of me in the following minutes, hours and days, I probably would've thought twice.
You always think everything is going to be perfect. That everything will be normal and okay. I tried my hardest throughout this whole pregnancy to ready myself. To tell myself over and over all the things that could possibly happen and prepare for the worst. But the truth is, you can never truly do that. You can ask for Gods help and faith and His strength to get you through what is to come, and He will, but you cannot truly prepare yourself.
The hard contractions started at 6pm when the doctor broke my water. From that moment until 1am, I was in a different world. A world of pain and a mind full of thoughts that I wasn't going to be able to do it. It was a difficult labor to say the very least. And pitocin makes everything worse. I finally surrendered and asked for an epidural, but it was too late. Jack was already making his debut. I think my labor and birth with Jack was a precursor of my life yet to come. Very hard, but very worth it.
Jack came at 1:06 in the morning on Saturday the 15th. I was still in another world as I stared at him. He was pink and beautiful. He looked nothing like Isaac but I thought he was truly beautiful. I had no idea what was coming in the next few minutes.
I held him and stared in to his beautiful eyes for what seemed like 3 minutes, but I am told it was about 20. Then they took him away to check him out. We were happy and excited and about to tell his grandfather that his middle name would be after him, until I heard the doctor say, "just a minute guys."
The next few words would change our lives forever. "I believe Jack has Down syndrome."
It was like a punch in the stomach. The world seemed to stop. Was this really happening?
I needed to hold him. I wanted to have him in my arms. But not only was he not what I was expecting, but he wasn't even there for me to get to see. I needed to remember how beautiful he was. To see a part of me and a part of Karl, but mostly to see Gods plan for us. I knew without a doubt that this was Gods plan. That He had specifically and purposefully and lovingly made Jack how He did and placed Him where He did. I knew that, and it saved me. Saved me from pain, saved me from despair, saved me from sadness. I was not sad. I was not despairing. I was hurting. But you know from previous blogs that I knew that there would be hurt, but that God would be my rock and my source.
Unfortunately after these unexpected and difficult words from the doctor, there were many more to come.
Jack never made it back to my arms that day. The doctor came in and told us he had to be transferred and that I had to stay. This was devastating. I needed to hold him. Needed to love him. Reassure myself and him that I would love him no matter what. My biggest fear is that I won't be able to love him enough. I would be lying to say I am not scared of what is to come. I just want to bond with him. I know it is so essential. I am scared because I cannot hold him that I will not love him enough. But God IS love. And if he is love, then He can certainly give me enough for Jack. I am saying this to myself over aand over because I am reassuring myself and convincing myself that it is true. But I am not perfect, I do fear and I do doubt. But God forgives me for that, and reassures me in millions of small ways and big ways, that He will get us through this and He will give me enough love. Even if I don't get to hold him for weeks.
The hard part is not over. I still covet your prayers jack is still in the hospital and I still can only hold him twice a day for 15 minutes. I am hurting and I am scared. But through it all, I do not doubt the goodness of God. The Lord took away my ideals for a "normal" baby. But He gives and He takes away. He took away what I thought I wanted and He gave me Jack. I know His plan is best.
This blog will be taking a drastic turn from my high risk pregnancy to the life of a family that loves each other and loves Jesus and has a little boy with Down Syndrome named Jack.
I'm sitting here trying just to think of a title for this entry and I have so many emotions and feelings and thoughts that I can't even think of one. Last Friday when the doctor did the ultrasound and said Jack wasn't moving quite like he wanted, he asked me if I was ready to have a baby that evening. I joyously and excitedly said YES over and over. Had I known what was ahead of me in the following minutes, hours and days, I probably would've thought twice.
You always think everything is going to be perfect. That everything will be normal and okay. I tried my hardest throughout this whole pregnancy to ready myself. To tell myself over and over all the things that could possibly happen and prepare for the worst. But the truth is, you can never truly do that. You can ask for Gods help and faith and His strength to get you through what is to come, and He will, but you cannot truly prepare yourself.
The hard contractions started at 6pm when the doctor broke my water. From that moment until 1am, I was in a different world. A world of pain and a mind full of thoughts that I wasn't going to be able to do it. It was a difficult labor to say the very least. And pitocin makes everything worse. I finally surrendered and asked for an epidural, but it was too late. Jack was already making his debut. I think my labor and birth with Jack was a precursor of my life yet to come. Very hard, but very worth it.
Jack came at 1:06 in the morning on Saturday the 15th. I was still in another world as I stared at him. He was pink and beautiful. He looked nothing like Isaac but I thought he was truly beautiful. I had no idea what was coming in the next few minutes.
I held him and stared in to his beautiful eyes for what seemed like 3 minutes, but I am told it was about 20. Then they took him away to check him out. We were happy and excited and about to tell his grandfather that his middle name would be after him, until I heard the doctor say, "just a minute guys."
The next few words would change our lives forever. "I believe Jack has Down syndrome."
It was like a punch in the stomach. The world seemed to stop. Was this really happening?
I needed to hold him. I wanted to have him in my arms. But not only was he not what I was expecting, but he wasn't even there for me to get to see. I needed to remember how beautiful he was. To see a part of me and a part of Karl, but mostly to see Gods plan for us. I knew without a doubt that this was Gods plan. That He had specifically and purposefully and lovingly made Jack how He did and placed Him where He did. I knew that, and it saved me. Saved me from pain, saved me from despair, saved me from sadness. I was not sad. I was not despairing. I was hurting. But you know from previous blogs that I knew that there would be hurt, but that God would be my rock and my source.
Unfortunately after these unexpected and difficult words from the doctor, there were many more to come.
Jack never made it back to my arms that day. The doctor came in and told us he had to be transferred and that I had to stay. This was devastating. I needed to hold him. Needed to love him. Reassure myself and him that I would love him no matter what. My biggest fear is that I won't be able to love him enough. I would be lying to say I am not scared of what is to come. I just want to bond with him. I know it is so essential. I am scared because I cannot hold him that I will not love him enough. But God IS love. And if he is love, then He can certainly give me enough for Jack. I am saying this to myself over aand over because I am reassuring myself and convincing myself that it is true. But I am not perfect, I do fear and I do doubt. But God forgives me for that, and reassures me in millions of small ways and big ways, that He will get us through this and He will give me enough love. Even if I don't get to hold him for weeks.
The hard part is not over. I still covet your prayers jack is still in the hospital and I still can only hold him twice a day for 15 minutes. I am hurting and I am scared. But through it all, I do not doubt the goodness of God. The Lord took away my ideals for a "normal" baby. But He gives and He takes away. He took away what I thought I wanted and He gave me Jack. I know His plan is best.
This blog will be taking a drastic turn from my high risk pregnancy to the life of a family that loves each other and loves Jesus and has a little boy with Down Syndrome named Jack.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
11 more days!
December 1, 2012
The countdown begins! Only 11 days until we meet baby Jack, considering he stays healthy like he has been! God has protected him and kept him healthy as we have prayed for and we are so thankful to Him! I had two ultrasounds this week and a non stress test yesterday. Every thing is normal and healthy! The doctor said if he did start to get sick it would happen fast which is why I have to go in about every 3 days until I deliver. I have an amniocentesis on the 11th and then at midnight that nit we head to St Joes for the induction. Please pray for a quick and uneventful induction and delivery and a healthy baby boy! We appreciate your prayers and believe without a shadow of a doubt that God is hearing them and answering!
We are thankful for soo much!
The Lord gives and takes away, but our hearts choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name!
The countdown begins! Only 11 days until we meet baby Jack, considering he stays healthy like he has been! God has protected him and kept him healthy as we have prayed for and we are so thankful to Him! I had two ultrasounds this week and a non stress test yesterday. Every thing is normal and healthy! The doctor said if he did start to get sick it would happen fast which is why I have to go in about every 3 days until I deliver. I have an amniocentesis on the 11th and then at midnight that nit we head to St Joes for the induction. Please pray for a quick and uneventful induction and delivery and a healthy baby boy! We appreciate your prayers and believe without a shadow of a doubt that God is hearing them and answering!
We are thankful for soo much!
The Lord gives and takes away, but our hearts choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name!
Monday, November 19, 2012
Getting close
November 19, 2012
Hello friends! It's time for another update! I had my last MCA doppler ultrasound last Wednesday, that is the one where they check the blood flow in the brain. As of 34 weeks that test is no longer effective or efficient so I will start having different studies next week. On the 27th I have a BPP, which is a different kind of ultrasound and on the 30th I will have a non stress test to see how Jack is doing. Then I repeat the BPP on Dec 2 and repeat the Non stress test on Dec 7. Phew. lots of testing, but I am confident in the Lord that everything will be perfectly normal as it has been every day thus far. Then on the 11th I have an amniocentesis (REALLY long needle) that will check Jack's lung-readiness (for lack of a better word). That night at midnight we head in to St Joseph to start the induction, and Jack should be born on 12/12/12 sometime.
Please pray that the induction would go very smoothly without complication and also that Jack would have NO signs of anemia. If he doesn't, then we should be able to go home in a day or two. If he does, we will probably have to stay in the hospital longer than expected. We really appreicate all the prayers and support we get from all our family and friends! I have been beyond blessed these last 3 months while Karl has been gone. I always have friends and family that are offering to help and I REALLY appreicate it. I don't know how I would have gotten through this without all you family and friends at my side. Andrew and Isaac are doing well. I am doing very well except my occasional hip pain but I really can't complain. We are all healthy and excited to meet Jack really soon.
The Lord gives and takes away. But my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your Name.
Hello friends! It's time for another update! I had my last MCA doppler ultrasound last Wednesday, that is the one where they check the blood flow in the brain. As of 34 weeks that test is no longer effective or efficient so I will start having different studies next week. On the 27th I have a BPP, which is a different kind of ultrasound and on the 30th I will have a non stress test to see how Jack is doing. Then I repeat the BPP on Dec 2 and repeat the Non stress test on Dec 7. Phew. lots of testing, but I am confident in the Lord that everything will be perfectly normal as it has been every day thus far. Then on the 11th I have an amniocentesis (REALLY long needle) that will check Jack's lung-readiness (for lack of a better word). That night at midnight we head in to St Joseph to start the induction, and Jack should be born on 12/12/12 sometime.
Please pray that the induction would go very smoothly without complication and also that Jack would have NO signs of anemia. If he doesn't, then we should be able to go home in a day or two. If he does, we will probably have to stay in the hospital longer than expected. We really appreicate all the prayers and support we get from all our family and friends! I have been beyond blessed these last 3 months while Karl has been gone. I always have friends and family that are offering to help and I REALLY appreicate it. I don't know how I would have gotten through this without all you family and friends at my side. Andrew and Isaac are doing well. I am doing very well except my occasional hip pain but I really can't complain. We are all healthy and excited to meet Jack really soon.
The Lord gives and takes away. But my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your Name.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Happy update
October 27, 2012
Hello friends!
I am really sorry about taking so long to get this update to you. I have had several ultrasounds since my last update and I am happy to report that Jack is still healthy and doing wonderfully. He is about 3 pounds now! At one ultrasound about a month ago I was told Jack was "head up/breech" and would need to be head down by December or else I would have to have a c-section. So I prayed every day until the next ultrasound and at the next ultrasound he was head down! God is constantly answering our prayers as we follow Him through this journey.
Thank you so much for following us through this whole process and praying for us. Thank you for continuing to pray for us especially as Karl is away 6 days a week and I miss him so much! I did find out that if Jack stays healthy until I am induced in early December that it is possible for him to not have to stay in the NICU at all and just go home! S please pray that this would be the case and that all praise will be given to the One that is due it--Jesus! Thanks again friends! And remember, The Lord gives and takes away, but your heart must CHOOSE to say, Lord, blessed be your name!
Hello friends!
I am really sorry about taking so long to get this update to you. I have had several ultrasounds since my last update and I am happy to report that Jack is still healthy and doing wonderfully. He is about 3 pounds now! At one ultrasound about a month ago I was told Jack was "head up/breech" and would need to be head down by December or else I would have to have a c-section. So I prayed every day until the next ultrasound and at the next ultrasound he was head down! God is constantly answering our prayers as we follow Him through this journey.
Thank you so much for following us through this whole process and praying for us. Thank you for continuing to pray for us especially as Karl is away 6 days a week and I miss him so much! I did find out that if Jack stays healthy until I am induced in early December that it is possible for him to not have to stay in the NICU at all and just go home! S please pray that this would be the case and that all praise will be given to the One that is due it--Jesus! Thanks again friends! And remember, The Lord gives and takes away, but your heart must CHOOSE to say, Lord, blessed be your name!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
More praises!
September 19, 2012
I had another ultrasound yesterday and have more wonderful news to report! Baby Jack is completely healthy and weighing in at about 2 lbs right now! Praise our Father! And the doctor prayed with me at the ultrasound and said she felt like I was completely healed! She said I have a blessed pregnancy. She is such a gift! God is so good to us!
Another thing I learned yesterday which was new to me is that I will be induced the first week of December because anyone who has what I have is supposed to deliver around 36 weeks and not go full term. So...I ask for your prayers that I will have an uneventful induction and be able to birth Jack naturally and not need a c-section. I know many horror stories related to inductions, please do not post any :) and was not really wanting to go that route, but after all God has done for me, I completely believe it will work out exactly how He wants it.
I am learning through all this that I am in no way in control of my life and he wonderfully controls everything and will work it for His will. It is hard to relinquish control, especially as a woman (all my girls know what I am saying :) ) but I am learning and am thankful for the journey. There are many other areas of my life right now as well as this pregnancy where I basically have no control over what happens and I am learning to give it all to God and focus on what He wants me to focus on. So if you are trying to control all your circumstances and feeling overwhelmed, just pray to God and ask Him to show you his will for your life and try to take it day by day. Colossians 1:9-10
The Lord gives and takes away, my heart will chose to say, Lord, blessed be your name!
I had another ultrasound yesterday and have more wonderful news to report! Baby Jack is completely healthy and weighing in at about 2 lbs right now! Praise our Father! And the doctor prayed with me at the ultrasound and said she felt like I was completely healed! She said I have a blessed pregnancy. She is such a gift! God is so good to us!
Another thing I learned yesterday which was new to me is that I will be induced the first week of December because anyone who has what I have is supposed to deliver around 36 weeks and not go full term. So...I ask for your prayers that I will have an uneventful induction and be able to birth Jack naturally and not need a c-section. I know many horror stories related to inductions, please do not post any :) and was not really wanting to go that route, but after all God has done for me, I completely believe it will work out exactly how He wants it.
I am learning through all this that I am in no way in control of my life and he wonderfully controls everything and will work it for His will. It is hard to relinquish control, especially as a woman (all my girls know what I am saying :) ) but I am learning and am thankful for the journey. There are many other areas of my life right now as well as this pregnancy where I basically have no control over what happens and I am learning to give it all to God and focus on what He wants me to focus on. So if you are trying to control all your circumstances and feeling overwhelmed, just pray to God and ask Him to show you his will for your life and try to take it day by day. Colossians 1:9-10
The Lord gives and takes away, my heart will chose to say, Lord, blessed be your name!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Another wonderful update
September 6, 2012
Hello friends! Thank you all for following our blog and praying for us! I had another ultrasound Tuesday and our little baby boris as health has can be! His brain pressures are all better than normal the doctor said! Praise God! He is in the 47th percentile and looks just beautiful! And let me tell you he is very active!
On another note, Karl has had a week off between jobs and that has been wonderful! Andrew started school yesterday and keeps me very busy with his after school activities every day! Isaac is almost 18 months and very active and adorable! Can't wait to see what God has planned for us this upcoming year! It is going to be interesting and challenging and we appreciate all your prayers!
The Lord gives and takes away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name!
Hello friends! Thank you all for following our blog and praying for us! I had another ultrasound Tuesday and our little baby boris as health has can be! His brain pressures are all better than normal the doctor said! Praise God! He is in the 47th percentile and looks just beautiful! And let me tell you he is very active!
On another note, Karl has had a week off between jobs and that has been wonderful! Andrew started school yesterday and keeps me very busy with his after school activities every day! Isaac is almost 18 months and very active and adorable! Can't wait to see what God has planned for us this upcoming year! It is going to be interesting and challenging and we appreciate all your prayers!
The Lord gives and takes away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name!
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